Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
