He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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