i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
