i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
