Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
