So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize