why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
