Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
