chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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