What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
