you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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