Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
