But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize