if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
