you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
i've created a new STD.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
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