Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
