my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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