My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
