She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Your penis caused this!
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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