so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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