So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
