if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
