Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
