so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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