I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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