Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Randomize
