I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
