Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
