why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Randomize
