he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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