he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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