the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
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