U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
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