who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
