listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
