just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
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