I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
