Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
i believe in u and ur pee
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
