gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
