I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
