i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
