it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
