one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
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