I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
