I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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