fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
