if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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