There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I think my nap took me to another dimension
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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