your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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