i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
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