Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
i think im in europe. pls send help
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