Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
