Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
