You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
