I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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