I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
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