he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
We're too hungover to prance.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Randomize
