first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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