There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
