apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
