The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
It's never too late to be topless.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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