Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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