Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
