just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
