The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
