I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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