And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
