I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
