You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
