well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
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