this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
