it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Drunk is not a location!
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
