I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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