i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
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