i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
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