I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
