Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
