ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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