I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize