I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
