i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
