Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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