period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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