Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
