Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
