haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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