i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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