she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
