I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
