you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
