it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
